The Holy Grail

"Mirror, Mirror on the wall, is she the one, after all?"
The mirror did not reply and I got the answer. But that led to another question, “if not her, then who?" I had asked this question to the mirror 4 times in as many years, and had got no reply.
Ok, fine, mirrors don't speak, and to be true I knew that deep inside. I asked this question, because I did not want a reply. I was not ready for a relationship. The two sacred words, "I do", were too precious to be told to all and sundry. They are meant for the perfect one. But where is the perfect one? She is like the Holy Grail, of which most have written, but none has found. May be I did not want to find her. May be....may be I am scared of commitment.
Yes, that may be the answer to a lot many questions. But why am I scared of commitment? Is it about me, or is it a general phenomenon with men my age?
A friend of mine was also facing the same predicament. He liked this lady, but was scared of committing to her. I asked him, and he gave a very interesting reply. He said, "Commitment is like having the same drink for the rest of your life. And I love mixing my drinks." Well, that lame duck example said a lot. Commitment means an end to variety. And variety, they say, adds spice to life.
He had evaded commitment by funny yet very poignant replies. She had called him asking three reasons why they shouldn't be together. He had told her this,
1. I am a Vegetarian, and you are a non-vegetarian.
2. My family is Vegetarian, and yours is non-vegetarian.
3. You love Chicken Tikka Masala, and I don't.
The lady had huffed off the room.

Another interesting anecdote from one of my graduation friends was equally enlightening. He had recently started seeing a colleague of his. Together, they made a good couple, photogenically at least. So after seeing a latest picture of theirs, I asked him, "So have you gotten to holding hands now?"
"Why?? I don't wanna have babies now?” he replied.
I spilled my glass of coke at this. He laughed, and continued, "Oi mate, see I haven't lost my touch yet. Yes, we are holding hands. See my nails are all clean now." And he burst out laughing again.
The truth is that neither he, nor I, nor the most of men my age are ready for a commitment yet. We are laughing at the most important questions of our lives. We are running away and don't want to stop. Because stopping would mean, committing, and for that none of us are ready.
But inherently the problem is even deeper. Everyone has rings of privacy around us. And depending upon our feelings for a person, we give him or her access to inner rings around us. The ring closest to us is the ultimate ring of privacy. And access to it is only for parents, and the person you are committed to. Parents are there in that ring since birth, so that leaves only her out of it. And to bring her into your perfect world, she needs to be perfect. And perfection, my friends, is a relative term. The more we look, the more we find faults in even the best of them all. So we continue our never ending search.
The only truth, I have realized, is that the Chase is always better. March On People!!

Cupid Returns

Well, I am back. It took a great noble prod to get me back to writing. I had decided not to write for a few months, but somehow, couldn’t afford to let myself follow my own decision.
This time, its not me am going to talk here about. My story, as complicated as you can imagine, is still there. But, it’s about a friend that I want to talk this time.
I have known him for over 6 years. And in all this time, he has for once not spoken about a girl. Not that I have doubts on his preference (although our friends always thought there was something fishy about the way we used to stay together.....well that’s for another time), but he was the staunch pillar of orthodoxy.
“My parents would find a girl for me.” He used to be so emphatic in his thoughts that when he spoke about someone he met at a wedding for 3 long minutes that I fell off my chair. And this 3 minute monologue of his made me decide, “I have to help him.”
To be truthful, I am no great at matters of heart, but somehow, I still have a better knack of what women like and dislike (as you must be aware from my earlier sojourns). So, I became Cupid, a fully clothed one at that! And instead of the bow and arrow, I had my words and the most powerful tool of this century, the telephone.
Well, they both are pursuing the same course, and live a few blocks away from each other. And, it took them 500 kilometers and 29 years to meet. Strange world, eh!!
So, they hit it off well at the wedding. Exchanged numbers and decided to take it up once back in town. And back in town, he didn’t have a clue as to how to move ahead.
We decided to give a honest chase. So, he messaged a joke, and got a joke back. And then, she messaged him a joke, and got a joke back too!! Well, we were working on getting them together, not making their jocular vocabulary better. Something had to be done....and that to fast.
A day after the joke marathon, while all set to cross a road to my house, I held him back. Told him, he would not enter my house or cross the road, if he didn’t call her up. You should have seen the look on his face. On a cold January evening, he was shaken and stirred to sweat. But I was adamant, and he after much cajoling and threatening, finally gave in.
The call was made under my supervision. He spoke, and interjected, exactly the way I told him. A little joke here, a compliment there, and a longing silence in between. The idea was to break the ice, and get on to the next level. And to him, crossing the road, was as good as graduating to the next level. I wrote notes for him to use on that call, and he did that well. They agreed to meet, and chatted some more. And when the conversation was getting too long for the comfort of a first call, that I asked him to shut up. His reaction was of horror, as if Cupid now had long teeth and the look of a devil. So, as per instruction, he repeated the next day venue and time, and clicked off.
Now, he was jumping up and down in terror, as a child would after breaking a window. He was terrorized. Didn’t know what to do, and was in a way hating me. I had to calm him down. And once calm and relaxed, I asked him, what he was worried about, calling her up or meeting her the next day. His answer said it all. It was all about meeting her the next day.
So while sitting at the dinner table at my home, while mom cooked dinner for us, I told him to think he is at the coffee shop to meet her, and I am her. So what will he talk? How will he greet and meet her? We had to finalize everything lest he bungle up a golden chance.
It took us 2 hours to finalize the show details; how not to be early or late, but just in time. How to greet her and which coffee to order. He was shifting a lot in this mock play, so that had to be corrected. And with minor changes, that too was taken care off.
Finally, our man was ready to go. Next day, so as not to let his tempo breakdown, I and a few friends spoke to him. Confirmed that everything was fine, we crossed our fingers and let the cub go for his first kill.
Well, Sidney Sheldon would agree, the Best Laid Plans always develop a hitch. Our plan also developed a snag. That day, there was a big traffic jam, and the meeting was postponed. So as not to let him get jittery, we had to speak to him a lot. Once, calmed and ready, we sent him to the venue.
But lo behold, there was another unforeseen hassle here. There was Birthday party happening at the coffee shop. Wow!! And our man got confused. He, rather I, had visualized a empty looking coffee shop and had planned that way. So here, our man got cold sweat. Instead of pushing the door open he tried pulling it, only to be corrected by a staff.
Once, inside he simply could not handle the crowd. Suddenly, as if all resolve was breaking, he did the unthinkable. He forgot her face!! And went ahead to meet a “similar looking” girl.
But as he was about to say hello, someone shouted at him. Shaken already, he was jolted back to reality, as he his lady sitting on the last table, and waiving. He took his already extended hand back and moved it thru his hair, and slowly, walked towards her.
“Thanks for coming. I somehow lost you in this crowd, and then you waived”, he said.
“Oh, I was calling the waiter, but never mind, so we finally meet”, she said.
And so the conversation went, till they decided to move to relatively quieter joint, and spoke for two hours.
Once back, our man was thrilled, and so was I. The lady had sent positive signals. And much to his dismay, I did not let him message her or talk to her for the next one day. But after about a day he messaged. A subtle and probing message.
No prompt replies were expected, at least by me. But he was nearly heart-broken. Finally the sweet sound of the mobile jingled and mended what ever cracks had developed in his heart. She had responded three hours later with a guarded yet positive reply. She had shown intent to play. And friends, the game was finally and officially on.
Cupid had finally hit home!! So get ready for a New Season!!

Biopsy of a Team

For the last few days, I have been thinking about writing about a topic with most of the people around me define with. Teams. Yes, since most of us spend anything from 12 to 15 hours daily working with our respective teams and organizations, this topic should elicit the maximum amount of thought and emotion from us.
I am not a Management Guru or a thinker, but I write from what I see. And I see what most of us do.
Defining Teams
Teams are not just about the huddle after a success. They are more than that. A team, as I see it, is a collection of people who come together to accomplish a certain common task. The task can be playing a game, as in cricket or football, or working in an organization. Believe me, the latter can be as engaging as the former.
But, from the above definition of a team, there are two important phrases, viz. Collection of people and Common Task. Let’s take them one by one.
Collection of people, as it goes, is not a simple proposition, People picked up randomly and put together to accomplish a task, might just be an act of cinematic liberty. In real life and real organizations, this is not true. In today's scenario, teams are selected from a group of people with a certain skill set. This skill set can be true in terms of physical and mental attributes. For the purpose of discussion let us club domain knowledge with physical attributes. Mental attributes would basically talk of the person's fitment into the team, adapting and understanding the team culture and objective.
Team Selection - Role of Specialists & Generalists
In an ideal team selection, every single member knows what he does, best. And also, there is respect in the abilities of others in the team. But, if everything was white and black, where would generalists like me go. So, there are certain people who basically can fit in more than one role. They might not be specialists, but they can hold fort in most scenarios.
It is with these generalist people that most of the mental attribute problems arise. Sometimes in their minds, and sometimes in others.
The job of team selection is to me the most important in the ultimate accomplishment of a task. This is because, generalists, with their ability to handle a bit of others domain area, they might spell a sense of insecurity among the team members. Not to say that Generalists are more of a nuisance to team culture, we should understand, these people need special handling. They have to be nurtured as by multi-tasking they display a distinct understanding of team objectives, and in the present manpower reduction scenario, they form an essential part of the team.
Here the role of the team leader is important. He can move ahead and try and model all members as generalists, or keep a healthy mix of specialists and generalists. That to me is the key of team selection and reflects the means to end approach of the team.
But the end, to me is what most teams don’t understand. The clarity and singularity of purpose are not evident these days. Teams which work on defined timelines or targets mostly display this attribute. Sometimes, the team leaders also miss the real purpose and take on hands on day to day approach. Here we again delve in to the mental attribute of teams.
Mental Attributes – Fitment, Adaptability, & Clarity of Goal
Basic purpose or goal of team is a factor of many environmental parameters. On a macro level, this is ruled by the Industry, the technology, and mostly by outlook of the management. A goal once decided moves along as the team and the organization mature and grow. This transient nature of the goal, tests the mettle of a team and the vision of the leader.
Blaming the team leader for low engagement levels in the team is not completely correct. Although, by being the leader, quantum of the blame rests with him, but certain factors are beyond his control too.
If the organization has decided to focus its attention towards a new technology, then the entire team which was working on the now-out dated techniques is rendered in such a flux. I have faced such a situation, where in the organization decided, in face of competition, to switch technologies mid-way. The entire team was in a state of indecisiveness and was then relocated to various other teams. This led to low motivation and engagement levels, and further to mass exodus to other organizations. And till date, whenever we all meet, the person most criticized is the team leader for not being open and forthright with the team on such a drastic change. This might not be completely correct, but that’s how I see everyone, including myself, functioning.
In that state of flux, if the team was taken into confidence, before hand, and explained the impending scenario, at least some engagement levels could have been maintained. But that is asking much from the team leader, who himself was a member of someone else’s team.
But where most organizations and team leaders go wrong, is to shove the entire impending scenario under the carpet. Like as taking the above example further, all employees were taken for an outbound to a resort within city limits and engagement was discussed there. Its not that the team had a flock of sheep who did not understand anything, but the team leader and the management still thought it to be a better way of handling the situation. Result was the inevitable, the engagement score dipped to an all time low.
On a cautionary side, let me add, lets not see all such efforts (as in outbound etc.) by the team leader, as shoving concern under the carpet. Some Outbound trips I attended recently were pure unadulterated fun and led to good bonding between the team.
But still as per the common belief, things go wrong when they have to and are most needed to go right. Team leaders falter when then they are most required to go right.
Teams are complex and need very careful handling. A trick missed once can have a multiplying effect later. And this is the common scenario most teams and organizations face.
So if you are leading a team, then chalk out a vision for the team. Even if the goals are transient, vision is generally stable over time and through situations. Engage the team, involve them in decision making, but also be critical when required. All this is easier said than done. But try some of it, and your team, even after a long time will never criticize you. And you could simply believe in the phrase, Happily Ever After!!

An Ode to the Women in My Life

Agatha Christie said, "Any woman can make a fool of a man, and if he is in love with her, more so." This is so aptly put, and coming from a woman who created Hercule Poirot, this is more of a candid confession.

I am not saying that all women are conniving and cunning. I can never say that. You know why!! Not because most of my readers are women but because I enjoy their company!! Hence, proving my credentials once and for all, about my preferences.

Women enjoy interplaying men, situations, and other women around them. They have a good sense of timing on what to say or do when. Just imagine, you are winning an argument and suddenly her eyes brim. And then, even before you can imagine, the contest comes flowing down her eyes as tears. And then from an aggressive and winning partner, you are now the loser; and guilt is written across your face. Often this incident leads to gifts and your going down and scratching your knees.

Its not that women do it intentionally, it happens because they are like that. It has its benefits too. Imagine watching a romantic story. Women can cry easily and relieve them, as men, we have to blink our eyes to shun the emotions away or play on our cell phones. We are macho and can't cry or she might think am a sissy boy. So at the end of it all, we have to crack a joke on why these stupid sob story makers don't provide tissues with the tickets. This dilemma is perennial.

To say that women know what to do and when, would be giving them a larger than life aura. But if you give them a car, all that I said about timing can be thrown out of the window. They can cut across lanes, jam their feet on the breaks suddenly, and talk on cell phones while driving, as if it is god's will. And if someone tells them, it’s wrong, then promptly comes the counter-attack, which eventually in most cases, ends in tears and you being guilty.

History has always been His Story. Because she never let him know that he was the character and she the script writer. Every successful man has a women behind him, well so does every unsuccessful man. This is just like watching a puppet show. At school, my puppetry teacher, a woman, had all male puppet characters. I didn't understand then, but she took immense pride in ordering, and cajoling them to act on her fingers. When given the chance, I always missed a trick. The wrong finger moved, and instead of shaking his head, he did a pelvic thrust that would put even Michael Jackson to shame.

Decisions taken with your partner are always mutual. She decides that mutually, it is the best for you. It can range from the choice of a restaurant to the food you order, to the color of your shirt and tie. Women have such a sense of color and knowing what suits what. Men can take it casual. But women, never!! Even their casual has a dressing sense. The jeans are torn at the right places, the shirt has exactly the right number of buttons, the hair color has just the right tinge of red and what not.

But having said all of that, we are incomplete without them. They add the necessary charm and a daily quest in our lives, the quest of what next? Something.....that keeps us on our toes. Something.... which makes us better men.

So here's a Big Thank You to all the women in my life. God Bless You and more of your kind be blessed to save my soul.
Amen!!

God Save Me

I am sitting here in a very dark room, looking all somber and sincere. There is just one light source which suddenly illuminates my face. And I look up to you.
“I need to tell you something.”
“Don’t know how to say it. But what should I do, this needs to be told.”
I grimace. And look at you with melancholy eyes.
What the heck, I still will say it, because this was the best way I found to start my next write-up on me and myself.
Well, I would imagine the lights go up, and there is a clatter of claps and whistles all around the room. Even if there aren’t any, I don’t care, ‘cause I am telling something which all of us feel and find it difficult and unexplainable.
Last time I wrote, I told you how the women I wanted to meet were all booked or married and the ones left for me were high on EQ and low on IQ.
As I moved on, in my search of finding someone who completes the puzzle, that’s me, I have now realized one very important cardinal truth. Women have these two basic traits given by nature to protect themselves from overtures of men like me.
Firstly, they have good intuition. And by good I mean very good, as in extra-ordinary. Whatever we men are dying to say, she has already understood. So, here I should assume that the problem is solved. She knows what I want to say, so every thing is fine and we can let the fat lady sing.
No, my friend!
There is still a second trait which most women exhibit. They show they are dumb. That they don’t understand a thing and are confused. That explains why most women on being proposed say, “I always treated you as a friend. Oh my God, I can’t believe it. I am so saddened by this. Its better we don’t meet.”
Boom!!
Didn’t I hit a chord? ‘cause that’s what I have heard so many times during my stay on earth.
Not just while being proposed, women generally portray the idea of being happy in small things of life. As this friend of mine who told me, “I got my nose pierced and my fiancé held my hand all throughout. Don’t you think its beautiful?”
You bet.....it ain’t!!
Even getting your nose pierced while holding hands with your guy.....how can it be beautiful. I can’t imagine how that guy could stand this. I would have fainted as soon as the needle would have been brought anywhere near her.
Well, moving on. Women have this unique way of making you feel special. They would even make waiting for you sound so special, as in “take your time….I am here.” And once the wait is over the tantrums would follow. “You don’t know how to manage time. I don’t know how would you do in future.” Strange....but true.
The other day, this friend of mine told me, “You are the only guy, whose my such a close friend.” Wow….so sweet. But I have basically lost out on women, that I shot back, “Hey does your fiancé have some problem?”
The outcome was natural. Needless to say my foot got stamped by her 4 inch heel.
You must have realized by now, how confused I am about women and their strange ways. But somehow when I see her, I go weak in my knees. Hey.....don’t imagine this to be mushy.
Whenever I see some good woman, I end up hitting my knee on some wall, chair or table.
I still am looking for a missing part of my life puzzle who completes me. There have been some who have come close to being in the vicinity of being near to perfect. But sadly.....none have been ideal.
We always look for someone who completes us. And in that search I move on. And on my way I meet women who can be intelligent and dim-witted at the same time.
I heard a British once say, “God Save the Queen.”
Hey, why save the Queen?
Save me. ‘Cause the Queen can fend for herself.

The Ticking Clock

Well.....I am back. You would have expected me to take longer. But I am back faster....so bear with me.
Last time we met, I had spoken, was on my new found understanding of Venutian. I was on the top of the world. And every time I passed a native of Venus, seemed she said something good about me. At least.... that’s what I want to think.
Life suddenly had a new color. Even the color red was adorable and lovely. Everything was feeling so new and so good. I could do what most men would die for. I could tell what women want.
I knew what they liked. The music, the food, the clothes, the shoes....yes, the shoes. Actually most women are fixated on shoes. They feel shoes are the best friend. Men come later.
So armed with all such knowledge I marched on. I was loving each and every moment. But as they say, satisfaction is something most people don’t find. What next? Yes, that was the question which dogged me. Was it always going to be so happy and nice or was there a down-side to it?
Surprise....Surprise!! I found the next step fast. But believe me it led me to a very very important question. To my utter dismay, I found that the women I wanted to meet and be with were either married or booked. And since now I am too old to snatch someone else’s girl, I looked for the maiden maidens.
The more I looked.....the more I suffered from paranoia. They were in another plane of existence. Either they were too dumb or too intelligent to show me their true self. But whatever was....I was disappointed. My knowledge and quest were leading me to destination nowhere.
But nowhere was definitely somewhere. Intriguingly, I was still running after them.
Was I getting dumb or was I so desperate? A male friend at work, when posed with this dilemma, put it, “You are just there, at the doorstep of marriage....after which all men go dumb and mad.”
Am I there? Well, as I said last time, my parents, friends, relatives think that and also my Venutian handicap has improved. So....may be I am there.
Now this scares me. I can’t be tied down. I have my free soul which needs to enjoy the sins this world has to offer. But as they say....every dog has its day. I just had 28 years of good days. And now, its time to raise the toast.....am on toast this time.
This takes me back to what was scaring me. The dimwitted women I met, or the extent to which I wanted to meet them again. Just read below for a very apt example, which happened last week.
The other day we went for a date.....or should I call it just a meeting? Rest of my friends saw other designs in it. When I came back they gave me looks.....as if I had forgotten something important......Oh...there were no give-aways on my face or collar.
Well, there couldn’t be.
I called the date a meeting because it was too short to call it one. I reached a little late..... say about an hour.....that’s not a big deal with so much traffic and work at office.
She said. “You are again late….the shop with the best discount on shoes just closed. What am I going to do here now?”
Hello??? What am I going to do here now?
Excuse Me!!.....Couldn’t she look at me? I had even used the new deodorant.
Didn’t I tell you these women can only think of shoes!! So..... it was just a meeting, what could have been a nice romantic date. I spent our way back convincing her how sorry I was.....and how much I wanted to be with her.....and we would definitely go out and buy nice shoes for her.
I left her home and made way back to my friends and their mischievous glances. Damn!!
And to top it all we chatted on the cell, and she explained why I should stick to schedules and maintain a work-life balance.
Just to buy new shoes with her?
Whatever.....I convinced her that we would definitely buy new shoes and I would leave work on time.
See....I am losing it. The battle is half lost and I am now contemplating a give-in. A meek surrender to what fate has in for me.
But I am the King!! I can’t lose like this. I have rise from the ashes like a Phoenix. And win all wars. So I am going to give fate a fight for the money.
To all those who say I am there at the last post....I can just say this.....
The Boss just had a rough day....but he is still the Master of All He Surveys!!
So even if you are married or booked.....I am here for you!!

Eyes

They sat there in awkward silence. It had been like this ever since they had met for the first time. But the tension today was palpable.
They had met, not so long ago, right here. Since then, it had been a roller-coaster. Both had made some excuse or other from their respective partners to be together. Not understanding what it was, just following what they felt was right.
Suddenly the mundane day, had a new color to it. Every minute which passed, brought the moment of togetherness closer. And when they met, time which was supposed to stop or at least go slower went faster. And then would again start, the wait for the next day.....next meeting.
How was this different from the previous ones or rather the one in which they were currently. Well.....this time nothing had been said or committed. Yet to be around, without even speaking a word brought in a sense of belonging and completion which had been missing.
They missed each other, even when they were with their partners. The longing was now creating a tension around them. When they passed by, in presence, of friends, they just looked at each other....no greetings....eyes looking.....as if penetrating. Not even a blink.
No one saw it....but they did. And so the tension mounted.
So what had changed today? Well, to say it simply....nothing. But even in the silence....a tacit approval for each others special place had come in.
They were traveling by the bus, as they did daily. She was looking out of the window, and so was he. And while the bus passed a crowd, she turned to tell him something.
He was looking at her. His hand on the side rest was cupping his face. Two fingers crossing his lips, as if to stop any words from flowing out.
She looked at him, starting to say something, but couldn’t. A sudden flutter crossed her heart. As he just blinked once. The eyes closing.... as if, registering the moment in his mind forever.
She suddenly felt weak. Suddenly everything around in the bus was blurred. Only he was clear.
And then they both looked away. The moment had come and gone without even a faint whisper. But somehow they knew it now. What words couldn’t, eyes had said.
She looked out of the window. Not seeing anything, but feeling his eyes.
He looked at her. Her fingers tightly knotted together...as if she was clutching something. He looked around, and then slowly held her hand. Her fingers opened up....as if letting go her current relationship and giving into this new sensation. Her fingers slowly, inter-twining with his. As they traveled...not looking at each other for the rest of the journey.
A lot had been accomplished. And a lot had to be. But some how the tension was gone and there was now a lot of clarity. Both of them smiled at themselves....and held their hands, as for this moment...time stopped.