Monday, January 22, 2007

The Holy Grail

"Mirror, Mirror on the wall, is she the one, after all?"
The mirror did not reply and I got the answer. But that led to another question, “if not her, then who?" I had asked this question to the mirror 4 times in as many years, and had got no reply.
Ok, fine, mirrors don't speak, and to be true I knew that deep inside. I asked this question, because I did not want a reply. I was not ready for a relationship. The two sacred words, "I do", were too precious to be told to all and sundry. They are meant for the perfect one. But where is the perfect one? She is like the Holy Grail, of which most have written, but none has found. May be I did not want to find her. May be....may be I am scared of commitment.
Yes, that may be the answer to a lot many questions. But why am I scared of commitment? Is it about me, or is it a general phenomenon with men my age?
A friend of mine was also facing the same predicament. He liked this lady, but was scared of committing to her. I asked him, and he gave a very interesting reply. He said, "Commitment is like having the same drink for the rest of your life. And I love mixing my drinks." Well, that lame duck example said a lot. Commitment means an end to variety. And variety, they say, adds spice to life.
He had evaded commitment by funny yet very poignant replies. She had called him asking three reasons why they shouldn't be together. He had told her this,
1. I am a Vegetarian, and you are a non-vegetarian.
2. My family is Vegetarian, and yours is non-vegetarian.
3. You love Chicken Tikka Masala, and I don't.
The lady had huffed off the room.

Another interesting anecdote from one of my graduation friends was equally enlightening. He had recently started seeing a colleague of his. Together, they made a good couple, photogenically at least. So after seeing a latest picture of theirs, I asked him, "So have you gotten to holding hands now?"
"Why?? I don't wanna have babies now?” he replied.
I spilled my glass of coke at this. He laughed, and continued, "Oi mate, see I haven't lost my touch yet. Yes, we are holding hands. See my nails are all clean now." And he burst out laughing again.
The truth is that neither he, nor I, nor the most of men my age are ready for a commitment yet. We are laughing at the most important questions of our lives. We are running away and don't want to stop. Because stopping would mean, committing, and for that none of us are ready.
But inherently the problem is even deeper. Everyone has rings of privacy around us. And depending upon our feelings for a person, we give him or her access to inner rings around us. The ring closest to us is the ultimate ring of privacy. And access to it is only for parents, and the person you are committed to. Parents are there in that ring since birth, so that leaves only her out of it. And to bring her into your perfect world, she needs to be perfect. And perfection, my friends, is a relative term. The more we look, the more we find faults in even the best of them all. So we continue our never ending search.
The only truth, I have realized, is that the Chase is always better. March On People!!

1 comment:

AG said...

Spoken like a true blood Casanova.
But the truth is that Don Juan was a sad guy. From personal and known public experience, marriage (aka commitment) and children are two events that one is never ready for, till it is too late and one begins to miss the 'trappings'( for want of a better word). John Donne (great poet)called his love the pointed end of a geometric compass, and he the other- pencilled circling leg. No matter how much he travelled, literally and metaphorically, he was always joined to her (at the hip so to speak). And that gave him his sense of being, support and the joy of circling...Think about it.

And about being never ready till it is too late, perhaps Death too is like this. Will you still say the Chase is always better?