Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Au Revoir!!

The idea of putting my thoughts on paper had never crossed my mind. In fact, till late 1998, I did not even read books. But then, while I spent my days under the hot summer sun at Nagpur, that a friend introduced me to the wonderful world of stories and novels.
Like most starters, I too started with the usual Sidney Sheldon’s. Thrill, titillation, and a small challenge, that I could finish a book per day, made me into a habitual reader. Slowly I graduated to Mario Puzo and Tom Clancy’s books. Mario Puzo’s, “Godfather” was a natural read, and impressed me no ends. Tom Clancy gave me my share of thrills and adventure with his high adrenaline endings.
But what really impressed me was the opening chapter of Mario Puzo’s “Fools Die.” The chapter was an autobiographical verse, where the protagonist called himself, “Master of Magic.” So much did the phrase impress me, that I wrote, my own “Master of Magic” in 1999. It was a self appreciating verse, where time is shown as the real Master of Magic.
As I moved back to Delhi, the usual freedom which comes with staying alone went away. Everyday after my post graduation college, I came back to spend time with the family. Somewhere, I reconciled, that my “Master of Magic” was just a flash in the pan and would never be able to repeat it. In fact, in absence of any fresh piece, I used the write –up in college magazines, and later, when I started working, in an office magazine.
It was around this time, when family responsibilities increased, that I started to lose patience. A lot of pent up fury, anger, and depression needed a vent. And so came, the first of my chapters, “Ramblings of a Confused Mind”. This name described my writing to the “T”, and also became as a protective shield for what was store in the future.
When I finished writing my first Ramblings, something strange happened. My mind and body, which had been engulfed in depression, suddenly became free. As if a cobweb, which had been built on my soul, slowly got torn off. What were left was a lot of sweat, and a urge to cry, to celebrate my first step in understanding myself. I had torn myself away from the cobwebs of depression.
This became my mantra, as this single writing took me along safe and sound for about a year or so. And then slowly when the things became difficult, I resorted to writing. Ramblings became my permanent story title, as it galvanized me from the reactions of people who detested my works. May be, there was a very low confidence level or whatever, but adverse criticism, I never liked.
Just to keep my writings in a place, and also to feed on my need for recognition, that I created my blog during this time. Blogging during this time was picking up in India. So, this became an additional source of happiness for me, as people appreciated my blog and a bit of my story telling.
During this time, a period of about 2 years, I wrote, just 3 chapters. Then during early 2006, whilst on hindsight, I realize, my professional life was just picking up that I wrote again. This time the idea was a bad dream, a hallucination. Not such a good piece, but it clearly depicted what was going through my mind.
Two days from finishing this latest piece, that I got my first bit of good news on the professional front. The mood was on an upswing. It was during this time that I wrote two more. Both of them were based on the current goings on in the political and the social climate of the country.
It was during this time that movies, which had always been an indelible influence, on my writings, were for the first time, in over 20 years, were influencing the youth in a very positive way. The idea of revolution, and justice for all were well imprinted in my mind. India was changing, and during this time, that for the first time, my writings started to have more of me. “I” became more and my beliefs, ideas, and outlook on certain social events, weaved into stories, brought about a lot of appreciation from my friends, and a sense of achievement.
During this time, did I really start to harness my creativity. This is further accentuated in an autobiographical account on “Understanding my Anger.”
All through out my brief writing stint, I had seldom travelled on exploiting the emotional equations between two individuals. The thought of writing dialogues, and that too adding romance into them, was an unexplored territory. But as I said earlier, movies play a pivotal role in my stories, that the journey through this unexplored territory became easy.
I became the central character, and the goings on around me, at work, at home, and from the past, became the stage. I started to churn out stories and stories, and within the last 3 months, a total of nine stories were written. All these stories had a lot of aspiration value. They were about what could not happen to me, but how I would like it happen.
2007 started with a bang. I wrote 11 stories in 4 months. Most of them were romantic as I had really taken to this idea. During this time, there were a few contractual stories; stories which friends requested. I was happy to write as there was not much to think about.
People around me started to think of me as a romanticist. Well, nothing wrong with that. I am a romantic at heart. I revel in exploring the emotions and the tension between two people, in my stories. My stories have a part of me, in the sense of aspiration, and are my take on such scenarios.
Having been into Marketing, I now know my target audience, viz. Women, and men like me. They like Sweet Nothings, and anything that moves them. So I write for them, and they read because I make them read. I am a honest writer who loves to explore his creativity. That is why last 4 months, saw me trying free verses, a dark love story, an anti-authoritarian note, and mushy romances.
Since one month, not a single new story has been written. There are few half written pieces, which I would not upload, till I am satisfied. But now satisfaction is difficult to come by. As I feel the time has come for a break. I will write again, but some other time. May be this year, may be next, but I will definitely write, as there are lots of things around us, that warrant a re-look. Also, every time, I have come back, my content has improved.
So in anticipation, of finding satisfaction, till we meet again…….Au Revoir!!